SHERLOCK HOLMES: A GAME OF SHADOWS

For a film about a the worlds greatest detective, Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows doesn’t seem interested in showing us much actual detective work. In fact by the time the film starts Sherlock (Robert Downey Jr.) has already solved 80% of the case. Leaving him to stumble through 125 minutes of over-gimmicked action, punctuated by long stretches of inane chatter while he tidies up tieing arch nemesis Moriarty (Jared Harris) to a series of bombings. Of course Holmes is not alone on this country-hopping trek. He’s joined by faithful-ish companion Dr. Watson (Jude Law) and sometimes by a gypsy played by the wonderful  but underused Noomi Rapace (the original Girl With The Dragon Tattoo). To further explain the plot would be over-dignifying the plot.

This is a silly film. I tried to takes notes on all the silly or dumb scenes but I lost count, here are the highlights:

• Moriarty blows up a building to cover the simultaneous shooting of one of it’s occupants. "No one will look for a bullet after that explosion!"
• Sherlock's series of Clouseau-level disguises that include a very insensitive “chinaman.”  
• Sherlock throws Watson's wife from a train speeding over a bridge. But don't worry- He "timed it right."
• More stuff on the train. We are shown that Holmes infiltrated the bad guys cabin as a woman (see above) and replaced two specific bullets with lipstick tins that will cause the guns to backfire. Now, we are asked to believe that Holmes worked out the timing so that the fight would last X number of seconds and that the bullet that misfires would be the one pointed at his head at the end of the fight. How did he know that? What if one of his combatants had attacked in the wrong order so that the gun pointed at his head was the wrong one? How did he know the exact moment when they where going to attack with the machine gun?
• Why is Holmes’s brother Mycroft a nudist?
• How impractical is Holmes's "urban camouflage" which only works if he's standing still and in a specific spot? 

There are many, many more dumb logic-defying moments. If I told you my favorite it would spoil the film, which may not be the worst thing in the world.

I don’t mind a jazzed up Sherlock Holmes. I quite enjoyed director Guy Ritchie's previous outing. But that film actually understood Holmes even if it wasn't being orthodox, it had some restraint. But this film, from the same creative team, just doesn't have a clue. Holmes doesn’t come off as a brilliant detective as much as a conspiracy-nut who happens to be right.  The action scenes are so ridiculously hypercharched and self-indulgent that one just overloads. To make matters worse, everything that isn’t an action scene feels like padding. There are some effective scenes in the final third, most include Harris’s Moriarty, but by that point it's a hopeless cause. I will give the film some credit for knowing that Watson served in the British Army and referencing Reichenbach Falls, but on the whole, this is a dumb, irritating film with no respect or basic understanding of it's source material.

About midway through the film, an exacerbated Watson tells Holmes that "This is the last time we join forces." I'm not one to talk at the movies, but I couldn't help groaning "God I hope so!"

Grade: D

Note: If you're looking for a good take on Sherlock Holmes, I recommend Billy Wilder's 1970 film "The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes" or the recent, wonderful BBC series "Sherlock." The later is currently streaming on Netflix instant.