JURASSIC PARK 3D

I've found it difficult to review Jurassic Park 3D, it's just too nostalgic a film for me. It's the first film I remember seeing in a theater, the film that taught me that the movies could be magic and pretty much the reason I'm a filmmaker. I adore it beyond all reason, but probably not as much as I did when I was a kid. The film came out when I was four years old and while I was in the midst of a dinosaur craze. I had all sorts of books and video tapes, I seriously even knew the Latin names of some dinosaurs. So I thought that since there was no chance of me writing an unbiased review of the film anyway, I might as well call in an expert and do the review with my four year-old self.

Young Loren (stepping out of time machine): Hi!

Old Loren: How are you doing, young me?

YL: Is that what we look like in the future? Your hair looks weird. Am I going bald?

OL: No no, that's just the style, everyone looks like this in the future.

YL (strokes his long, red 90's hair): Sure they do.

OL: Can we just talk about Jurassic Park already?

YL: Oh my gosh! Jurassic Park was the awesomest movie ever! There were dinosaurs! Dinosaurs!! Dinosaurs everywhere! Jumping! Smashing! Roaring! Everything! There were also a lot of humans doing talking stuff, but it was okay because they were mostly talking about DINOSAURS!

OL: Along with commentary about the legal and ethical liability of man interfering with nature, which all feels very Herzogian.

YL: I'm not sure what all those words meant, I just saw dinosaurs!

OL: Well, what do you think the movie was about?

YL: Well there's this guy named John Hammond who buildeded Jurassic Park, which is like giant dino zoo.

OL: Where did he get the dinosaurs?

YL: That was the coolest part, cause the way they say it, it sounds like they could do it for real one day — but they shouldn't cause it's super dangerous —they take blood from mosquitoes that got frozen in the dinosaur times, mostly the Cretaceous era, and clone them.

OL: Fascinating, what happens then?

YL: John Hammond takes some dinosaur experts to the park and show them around. The main guy is Alan Grant, he's my favorite!

OL: He doesn't seem to like kids too much though.

YL: It's okay, I like him.

OL: Kind of like that kid in the movie, Lex Murphy, that looks up to Grant even though Grant doesn't like him.

YL: That kid is supposed to be like me, and I guess he is. I don't know why they try and put kids in movies like that though, the adults are the ones doing cool things. Anyway, there was also this math guy named Ian Malcom.

OL: Jeff Goldblum.

YL: No, his name was Ian Malcom, aren't you listening to me?!

OL: Sorry, go on.

YL: Anyway, I didn't like him. He kept trying to kiss Grant's girlfriend, and he talked the least about dinosaurs. I don't know why he was there.

OL: To underline the man vs. nature themes and also girls like him.

YL: I guess he's okay then. But poor Alan Grant, he doesn't even seem too mind when Malcolm tries to put the moves on her.

OL: Yeah, in real life he'd never stand a chance against Goldblum.

YL: So the dinosaurs get out and start eating people!

OL: Weren't you scared?

YL: My mom thought I'd be, but that was the best part! Like when the T-rex eats the lawyer, that was great! Besides, I know they're not real - they're special effects!

OL: Doesn't that make it less exciting?

YL: No, I think that was so cool. They look so real and feel so real, the fact that they're not real only makes them cooler. Like a really good magic trick. I don't know what I like more, the dinosaurs or the magic trick that makes them so real. At home I have The Making of Jurassic Park on tape, where they explain how they did the dinosaurs with robots, and some of them in the computer and it was one of the first times they did that. They call it CGI!

 OL: It's really amazing how well that CG holds up 20 years later. You have no idea how advanced computer technology becomes – remind me to show you an ipod before you go back – a lot of older computer effects look bad now, because they're pushing the technology too far, or maybe the animation techniques weren't there yet, but Jurassic Park still looks amazing.

YL: YAY!

OL: But didn't you notice the rampant over-commercialism of the film. It seems determined to establish itself as a brand. The Jurassic Park logo is everywhere in the movie.

YL:Yeah, but you know that the park is a bad idea. We go to the movie because we wanted to see Dinosaurs eat people, we'd never go to the actual park.

OL: But it's trying to have it both ways. Yes, it is condemning the corporate mindset that places profit over human life, but it's also trying to build a corporate brand at the same time. Like there's that whole scene in the gift shop that's just there to show off dinosaur toys.

YL: I have all of those toys.

OL (thinking back): I did have all those toys. Never mind, this movie is awesome!

YL: Yeah it is, the action is awesome.

OL: The part with the raptors chase the kids into the kitchen is wonderfully constructed suspense sequence. It's very playful in the way it uses space and point of view to put you in the mindset of the raptors.

YL: Dinosaurs!

OL: Did you know that in the future, they'll make Jurassic Park in 3D?

YL: That sounds like the most amazing thing ever!

OL: It's not, I mean the 3D isn't bad or anything, it just doesn't add anything, except make everything slightly darker.

YL: That's disappointing.

OL: It's not all bad, it does help to highlight how well Spielberg uses depth in his compositions.

YL: What's "composition."

OL: It's a fancy word you'll learn in film school someday.

Grade: a very nostalgic A